Moderating Leaves Chat
Enforcing the Rules
Being a moderator is like being in charge of the fire extinguisher at a bonfire. You can’t blast every spark, but you do have to get to any sparks that threaten to turn your bonfire into a forest fire. It is a hard balance to strike. You will get it right and you will get it wrong, but you’ll get better at it as you go.
Here is the most important part of doing your job as a moderator: You must be kind, gentle, and patient no matter how they treat you. You cannot be insulted, baited, or lose your temper, and you have to remember that they are likely going through the worst time in their lives so far. They may have no love for you or any kind of authority.
You have all the power in this relationship, so you can afford to not get flustered. Always de-escalate, de-escalate, de-escalate with kindness and a friendly disposition, even (or maybe especially) if it doesn’t feel like they deserve it.
You may also find yourself having to sanction or remove someone who you know is in desperate need of help from the group. Someone feeling self-destructive anger or even someone suicidal. But you have to still take action if they are disrupting the group. You take it in the most gentle and compassionate way you can, but you have to protect the group first.
A Single User Causing a Problem
If a single user is causing a problem, ask yourself who they are:
The Stumbler: Do they seem to be here in good faith, but forgetting the rules?
The Hothead: Did they come here in good faith, but seem to be in the Red Zone and treating you, other people, and the group with disrespect? This can sometimes happen after you have taken a mod action against them already.
The Disruptor: Are they here in good faith, but not meshing with the group because they may be very young (we have 14 or 15 year olds in the group at times) or have a personal style that is insensitive or unfocused?
The Troll: Are they here in bad faith, against the group, or just here to cause trouble?
(Any other user personas to add? Put ideas in your Session Report!)
Let’s look at these in order:
1. The Stumbler
If a single user has violated the rules, delete the message immediately, and then send them a DM with a gentle message reminding them of the rule. Something like:
“Hello! Just a reminder that supplements, including melatonin, are outside the scope of the group.”
They will usually reply with something like “Oh, I didn’t realize, sorry!” You can then just reply with a smiley or a thumbs up and you’re all set.
If they don’t answer, but they stop violating the rules then let it slide. If they don’t answer but continue violating the rules, then send them a DM:
“Hello again! I’m going to close your access to the channel until we have a chance to chat…”
Then suspend their access to the channel, as explained in “Suspending and Banning.”
They will either answer you or not. Until they do, they are off the channel. If they do answer after you have cut off the channel they will likely be not too happy about the situation, so de-escalate, de-escalate, de-escalate.
2. The Hothead
Hotheads have taken offense at something you or someone else has done, are hurling often elaborate and creative insults at you, and they can be a little surprising the first time you encounter one. First rule:
If they are causing any problems in the channel, suspend their access as quickly as you can.
If they are venting at you in DM, then gently and patiently hold your ground, and don’t take any bait they toss you. You are not here to debate the rules or your actions, just explain them. Keep what you discuss limited to the specific topic that started the conversation, and gently but firmly cut off the conversation if your attempts to de-escalate are unsuccessful.
Remember this: If they are berating you in PM, they will sometimes take it to the main channel. So if you have a Hothead in DM watch the “typing” section of the channel carefully. If you see “Hothead is typing…” be ready to pounce. If it is a disruptive message then delete it immediately and immediately suspend their access to the channel.
So, here are your options:
Explain in DMs why you took the action you did.
Make a reasonable effort to calm them down.
If they won’t calm down and won’t follow the rules, then ban them and block them from your DM.
Do not have further contact with them through any channel. If they find a way to contact you elsewhere, like the sub or IRL, then raise a flag with Subduction immediately.
As with any events like this, don’t forget to include them in your Session Report!
3. The Disrupter
This person is here because they are quitting, but may not have the social skills or the appreciation of our rules or culture to participate without disrupting the group.
This can come in lots of forms -- taking the group over with many, many posts, constant jokes instead of genuine contributions, taking the group off topic multiple times, arguing with other users’ contributions, being insensitive in replies to other users, basically not reading the room.
Your strategy here is to counsel them in DM on how to shape their contributions to better fit the group. Things like:
“Hello! Remember, we’re here for a serious purpose, so we put limits on the jokes. Just stick with sincere contributions. Thanks!”
“Hello! We have limited time here, please stay focused on cannabis and sobriety. Thanks!
“People are here to share their experience without judgment, please don’t argue with other users. It’s not what we’re about. Thanks!”
Turn the reminders into warnings if they aren’t listening to you, and if they are truly unable to fix their behavior, then you can ban them.
4. The Troll
Saved the easiest for last. If they are a troll, with no need or respect for the group, just a desire to cause trouble, ban them, block them from DMs, put it in the Session Report, and don’t give it a second thought.
Now let’s talk about suspending and banning.